One-up your way to obesity

Proving that the ladies’ locker room is often a cross between a sorority house and amateur comedy night, we early morning regulars have crafted nicknames for compatriots. Like Suntan Girl, whose skin had an intense bronze hue after 20 years of daily visits to the tanning salon. Or One-Up. No matter what you said to this corporate executive, she had to top it. Just bought a new car? Hers was a more expensive model. Planning a trip to Europe? Then you’ll hear why the accommodations she booked last year were vastly superior.  While I haven’t seen One-Up in years, she popped into my mind today when I read this Time Magazine story about the advent of cheeseburger stuffed crust pizza – the latest example of culinary one-upmanship that is making our world a fatter place.

I bet the gastronomic minds at Pizza Hut thought they struck gold with this idea, which is currently just offered in the Middle East. Apparently it features entire cheeseburgers nestled around the rim of a pizza also covered in hamburger meat, cheese and other toppings.  If placing extra cheese in the crust of pizza was akin to man taking his first steps on the moon, then this concoction counts as a manned expedition to Mars.  Not to be outdone, Pizza Hut U.K. one-upped the calories with a hot dog crust stuffed  crust. Feel like I should chug a bottle of Pepto-Bismol just writing about it.

But really, in a country that created Turducken because turkey and duck weren’t exciting enough on their own and sausage pancake bites, what surprises me most is that the cheeseburger and hot dog stuffed crust pizza weren’t offered on our shores first.

Not to say that I haven’t been guilty of culinary overkill myself in the past. That great chocolate chip banana bread I’ve been making since college, a caloric bomb in its own right, has been served warm with ice cream and fudge sauce on top to dinner party guests.  Last week, fueled by a PMS-induced competitive streak, I added an extra scoop of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup crumbles to my dish of frozen yogurt after spying my fiancée’s topping selection.

Do you think our society is one-upping its way to even higher levels of obesity?  Feel like the cheeseburger stuffed crust pizza is the latest sign of the apocalypse or a stroke of genius? What artery-clogging concoctions have astounded you recently?

Comments

  1. This is an interesting concept. I was shocked that Americans still had an appetite for pizza with a hot dog inside – I guess I naively thought some healthy eating awareness was setting in. What I look forward to is the day when a company wouldn’t even consider such a product because of backlash and disgust from consumers.

    • Suzanne, maybe increased domestic awareness is why they exported the concept to the UK first before trying it here. But I won’t be surprised to see an ad for this soon in the U.S. also!

  2. Exactly! It’s about how much food can you stuff into one container or special! There is an awful place that gives you a 64 oz steak if you can eat the whole thing at one sitting. Or have you ever heard of the Heart Attack Diner? No apologies in that name, they know what they are serving you will kill you in the end.

    • I have heard about that place, ironically from an article in the UK’s Daily Mail forwarded to me by my fiancee. While there website is funny at first glance, the big guy featured in most of their visuals actually did pass away from obesity-related disease recently.

  3. This blog cracked me up! And made me sick when I saw that hot dog in the pizza crust. Grossitating!!!! Indulging once in a while is a necessity but the majority of society thinks it is okay to eat like this for every meal. I mean do you really need a hot dog or cheeseburger stuffed in your crust? Do you really need a Krispy Creme Doughnut for a hamburger bun? People are killing themselves one bite at a time…..

    • Monica, I had to use that visual because it really says it all about over-the-top food products. As one of my gym buddies, I bet you never thought I’d include One-Up into a blog post either! If she knew, I’m sure she’d try to one-up it asap. :)

  4. Brenda Rothschild says:

    Boy I have not thought about orange girl and one up in a long time. I miss them sooooooooo! Going to UK in a few weeks and I might have to visit Pizza Hut just to see that pizza with hot dogs in person to see it if it really exists. Hard to top that one.

    • Brenda, I’m glad to bring back fond memories for you. We leave for the UK next week and I’m definitely going to chronicle interesting food experiences on this blog. :)

  5. This is both hysterically funny and utterly disgusting. I wonder–is cheese-burger-stuffed pizza worse or better than serving a cheeseburger with Krispy Kreme doughnuts as the halves of the bun? Or how about deep-fried lasagna? For some reason, these examples all make me think of the excesses of the last days of Rome.

    Yeah, I think you’re onto something. Perfect examples of “food porn.” People need increasingly shocking stuff to get a thrill. I guess.

    • May, I think you’ve nailed it with the food porn label here. I forgot about people using donuts with burgers, etc which actually grosses me out even more than these pizzas.

  6. faye miller says:

    If only there was a human “Rotor Rooter”. After eating one of those crappy pizza`s, just think, you can go to one of those corner Dr. Care facilitys and get your arteries flushed out !! No guilt ,
    no heart attacks no fat !!!! Something to think about, hmmmmmm could make tons of money off of that invention !! Justin, wanna be my partner????????

    • As crazy as it sounds, there probably is something that people use to get rid of overeating junk like this so they can start all over again eating more fast food the next day.

  7. Okay… yuck. Well, clearly the food manufacturers need to find more and more ways to increase their market share. But they could go in the healthier direction. Maybe no one would buy that?

    • Good point Karen! I think it depends on who they are targeting for an audience. My blog followers, all of whom are interested in healthy living, have been grossed out by the concept. But I know that some of my Facebook friends, including high school buddies and a wide range of personalities, probably salivated looking at that photo and can’t wait to place an order. :)

  8. Thank you for shedding some light on what is one of the greatest mysteries to the male mind: what happens in the women’s locker room? (The question “why do they go to the restroom in mobs” would probably require an entire series.)

    As for pizza stuffed with hot dog or cheeseburger: by Jupiter, is that disgusting. Yet it makes sense in some way, quite literally, as our culinary senses become more and more dulled and for a product to stand out, an ever stronger assault on them is required. If you ever refrained from eating sweets for a month, it is amazing how unbearably sweet your average candy bar tastes once you decide to try one again.

    • EC, I’m glad to have answered that burning question about the ladies locker room. My fiancee said its quite different in the guys area. :) Great insight on senses being dulled! I’ve refrained from sugar for a month or more at a time and am amazed by how much better everything else tastes before some random chocolate incident has inched me closer to the dark side.

  9. What a gross concept! I’m a little nauseous right now. At any rate, since our society is “one-up” land it’s no wonder we have this kind of food. If you don’t have the latest of everything, you are completely behind. It’s a shame but until we praise and glorify simplicity it will continue.

  10. Wow ! Yes bad for people loosing weight but intresting. Before any of these new concepts ever come out there are hundreds of taste testers trying these products and saying yea or ney if it will be successful. It’s kind of funny to me that they would try this product out in the UK before the states since the hot dog is part of america’s past time. While everyone says it looks disgusting, it could actually taste good. I know the company I work for is taste testing stuffed pretzels with motzerella cheese or cheese and pepperoni. When it is all said and done people like to try something different instead of the same norm we are used to.

    • Robert, thanks for stopping by! Interesting to hear insight from someone who works professionally in the food industry. Still have to say that if it was on the menu, i’m not going to order it! :)

  11. I want to say my former overweight self might like hot dog in the pizza crust, but ummmm, I don’t think so. Yuck. I feel guilty enough eating 2 slices of pizza, but adding burgers or hotdogs to it, that is just overkill.

    • Robin, thanks for stopping by! We are so on the same page – if a dish is already outrageous, why do people always have to take it a step further? :)

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  1. [...] Many thanks to Shira for bringing the cheeseburger pizza to my attention. [...]

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