Proving that the ladies’ locker room is often a cross between a sorority house and amateur comedy night, we early morning regulars have crafted nicknames for compatriots. Like Suntan Girl, whose skin had an intense bronze hue after 20 years of daily visits to the tanning salon. Or One-Up. No matter what you said to this corporate executive, she had to top it. Just bought a new car? Hers was a more expensive model. Planning a trip to Europe? Then you’ll hear why the accommodations she booked last year were vastly superior. While I haven’t seen One-Up in years, she popped into my mind today when I read this Time Magazine story about the advent of cheeseburger stuffed crust pizza – the latest example of culinary one-upmanship that is making our world a fatter place.
I bet the gastronomic minds at Pizza Hut thought they struck gold with this idea, which is currently just offered in the Middle East. Apparently it features entire cheeseburgers nestled around the rim of a pizza also covered in hamburger meat, cheese and other toppings. If placing extra cheese in the crust of pizza was akin to man taking his first steps on the moon, then this concoction counts as a manned expedition to Mars. Not to be outdone, Pizza Hut U.K. one-upped the calories with a hot dog crust stuffed crust. Feel like I should chug a bottle of Pepto-Bismol just writing about it.
But really, in a country that created Turducken because turkey and duck weren’t exciting enough on their own and sausage pancake bites, what surprises me most is that the cheeseburger and hot dog stuffed crust pizza weren’t offered on our shores first.
Not to say that I haven’t been guilty of culinary overkill myself in the past. That great chocolate chip banana bread I’ve been making since college, a caloric bomb in its own right, has been served warm with ice cream and fudge sauce on top to dinner party guests. Last week, fueled by a PMS-induced competitive streak, I added an extra scoop of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup crumbles to my dish of frozen yogurt after spying my fiancée’s topping selection.
Do you think our society is one-upping its way to even higher levels of obesity? Feel like the cheeseburger stuffed crust pizza is the latest sign of the apocalypse or a stroke of genius? What artery-clogging concoctions have astounded you recently?